Life isn’t Fair
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing for most of us that it is not.
– Oscar Wilde
It is said…life is beautiful. But beauty lies in the eyes of beholder. All beholders don’t have the same eye. How can life be fair to all? It is skewed. It is ostensibly titled towards unfairness. Most of us feel life is unfair. We constantly grumble to ourselves about what other’s have. My physique could have been better. My intelligence is just average. He is really handsome. She is truly beautiful. I am born to be like that. I had no control on what I get as my body makeup and mental getup. Yes, there are certain things which cannot be changed further and there are others which can be changed to meet our desire. The question is which part of the change we choose to deal and that decides our fate.
The choice of our decision…this primarily revolves around our state of mind. If our state of mind is determined to focus on the aspects of life which can be changed, life becomes better and brighter. If our state of mind is feeble and falls for the aspects of life which cannot be changed, life becomes bitter and darker. If I am short and thin, I have to accept the reality and not get trapped in the prison of inferiority complex or lack of self-esteem. If I don’t have a voice to sing or the craft to dance in me, I cannot go on singing and dancing what others have excelled and not acknowledging the limitation within me. If I continue to do without accepting the limitation or the reality I will only aggravate my wretchedness of life. Yes, there are stories of people who have managed to demonstrate excellence in dance inspite of being physically challenged. This has been true in most other fields. Is it then a case of everything is not possible with everybody or it was possible with few because they were determined and persistency paid. Is it an exception and not a rule in life?
What is fair? Should life be fair to all? Can it be fair to all? Is there a reference to frame the fairness in life? The depth of challenges we face in life can be a filter to decide the degree of fairness. He is handsome but poor. She is intelligent but physically challenged. He is rich but has no family. She is highly successful professional but her personal life is in shambles. They have everything…wealth, success, status, seen everything but they cannot have their own child. He is most sincere and committed person I have ever met, but he is stuck in his life. He is not able to grow in his professional career. He is not able to buy his own dwelling, every time he saves it some goes in the healthcare of his parents. Things cannot be equal to everybody. Hence life is unfair; difficult to judge as there is no clear definition to measure or yardstick to assess.
Irrespective of the field of business, politics, sports, profession, or any area of life, we all have a general tendency to blame and point finger at someone or the other. It could be our own parents who have not given us what we wanted, or the teachers who have not taught and guided the way we wanted, the coach was to be blamed, or boss was responsible for my career stagnation or the friends who misguided us, or the neighbors who were cunning and selfish or the government who was conservative and restrictive of our freedom or growth. In fact there is no end to such attribution to justify our failure or searching a reason to attach to our misery. These are fleeting excuses to escape the unfair nature of life. There are great sportsmen without a coach. There are great achievers without the guidance of a good teacher. There are great entrepreneur born without a penny in their pocket.
Can we classify fairness and unfairness of life based on whether one is poor or rich, whether one is successful or not, whether one is happy or not, whether one is healthy or not. The question then comes to the degree of richness, or depth of happiness or spectrum of success. It is then a matter of subjective assessment of an objective perspective of life. The assessment becomes a subjective perspective. Perspective differs. It differs from person to person, place to place and time to time. What is rich in a developed country has no comparison of it in a under developed country. What is success for a small screen star is insignificant for an international movie star. What meant success & satisfaction last century has lost its relevance in today’s world. Then where to draw the mystical boundary? And attribute the unexplainable part of the life to destiny.
We all face challenges. Some of it we successfully face it. We feel proud. We feel elated. There are many which we have miserly failed to face it. There are many situations which we have put our best efforts but still we have been humiliated. We feel cheated. We feel derelict. And we brand it as unfair treatment of life. How can he use such filthy language, how can he abuse me with no fault of mine, and everybody has turned a blind eye to such a blatant unfairness towards to me. With time we realize and recognize we have a made a bad choice. In beginning itself I should not have taken up that role and should have been more prudent in saying no to it.
There are things that are thrust upon us when we least think of it. It could be a health problem, a financial crisis, family dispute or professional stagnation and we start looking life in the prism of unfairness, as things appear to be out of our control. It is like a mirage. It appears to disappear as we face it because we start solving it and start moving forward in life. Life is fair or unfair depends on the way we look at it and treat it.