Why Life is Fair but we treat Life Unfairly?
I have worked hard, really hard. I have gone through so much of distress. I have seen the worst phase of my life. I have pushed myself where it hurts. I have tried and have tried doggedly hard for years. Still I’ve been discriminated. Still I’ve been deprived. Look at him, he has all the success at his doorstep and happiness is adoring him, and he has not gone through the extent of pain and kind of struggle I have gone through in my life, why then such disparity in awarding good things in life to me.
Why I am not getting my part of good things in life and my share of happiness?
Who is deciding this distribution that is unfairly skewed towards the fairness of other?
“We look at the Almighty.”
“We want solace.”
“We want answer.”
When we don’t get satisfying answers to these profound questions we start questioning the fundamental equation of fairness in life. These intriguing questions are perennial and keep recurring in our life. Questions are such an integral part of our life. They will keep coming every time we feel vindicated or embittered. They will keep coming every time we are down in energy and low in emotion. They will keep eating our conscious mind seating in the sub-conscious strata of our mind. They will be raising those uncomfortable alarm bells every time we encounter such lopsided circumstances and face such fair questions about the unfairness in life.
The paradox of life is a massive mystery and it dwells in between the cusp of fairness and unfairness in life.
Aspect (1): Look & Outlook
Our physical look is such a distracting aspect of life that it decides how people look at us and how they treat us, and is obstructive based on our bodily attributes like our height, weight, color and feature of our face and than the type of dress we wear. I am less qualified and I have less exposure then him. He has traveled the world. He has higher qualification. I grant him the benefit of advantage of better experience and higher expertise. In the paraphernalia of other’s outlook I have my own identity that gets crumbled in this hackneyed hypothesis. I cannot stand in front of his standing. I wanted to study more but I just couldn’t do as my family couldn’t afford it. The look and the outlook we posses becomes the bone of contention in life. Rest becomes insignificant.
The judgment is inevitable.
The problem is not in the judgment but it is in the way we share our judgment and how it lands on others.
Was it a smooth landing or we were harsh and hard in our landing? The other’s state of mind and the emotion that emerges during the conversation between two individuals, which again is different when the conversation is happening between members of a group, the group behaviors and the impact of landing on others is differential in nature. We start passing statements to the judgment, he just doesn’t know how to speak and what to speak, look at him how insensitive he was in his talking. The discussion digresses from the object of discussion to the subject in discussion. Things become subjective. This makes things messy. The plot of life is lost before any story could have crafted out of such good dialogues and great debates. We look at life unfairly and put the blame squarely on the treatment of life than the “fluxed outlook” we all carry towards our and other’s life.
Aspect (2): Job & Opportunities
I don’t know what to do. I don’t have a good job. I lost my job. I had done my best. The other guy has a good job. The other guy got the promotion and I was left out. In hindsight everything looks different and everything could have been done differently and fair enough to state that it could have produced a different result. But when it happens, it happens and we react and we blame it on others, and we start questioning that life is unfair and why I was treated unfairly. We question the boss. We question the company. We question the customer who didn’t give us order. We question the colleagues who didn’t support us. We question everything under the sky but we don’t question our self. Loss of job to loss of opportunity happens to all of us. We react and we have not consciously built a respond system to such unexpected situations. In life it is not about only managing the expectation but also mentally ready to manage the unexpected things that come our way in life. They will keep coming. Maybe we don’t want to work on building a good responsive system in our mind; we want to ignore or avoid such discomfited situations in life.
Therein lays the dilemma.
These confronting situations are integral and inevitable in our life. Everything is in our mind. Mind wants to revolt then we are in trouble. Mind decides not to cooperate then we are in trouble. Mind has its own mind and we need to scientifically, religiously and spiritually understand the working of our mind. There are so many dimensions to the functioning of our mind. We may not mind but mind matters. We cannot take our mind for granted nor can we neglect the needs of our mind. After all it is the mind that governs our life and what is life without the control of mind. Leaving the mind to function erratically and limiting the mind to function sparingly will make life lunatic and lonely. The thought of unfairness of mind resides in our mind. Mind has an eye to look at the fairness and unfairness of life. We need to train that “eye of mind” to look at things that needs to balance the imbalances in our society.
Aspect (3): Health & Wellbeing
I never drink. I never smoke. I never party. I do my work religiously. I follow a regime to work my body and my mind. I read the good books. I have always attempted to do things that are right and fought against things that are wrong. Still I have suffered from ill-health and diseases have found my body to dwell and keep affecting both my physical health and mental well-being. Look at the person on the other side who is a regular drinker and a chain smoker, he has a healthy life and he hasn’t suffered from any ill-health.
God bless him.
I am not wishing bad in his life but I am questioning the bad in my life.
Why am I suffering?
There is justification and that is his body structure differently built and body composition is able to release those toxins from his body better than mine. Since I am suffering I am unable to spend enough time doing what I love to do and I would have done it better if I was as healthy and well-being as the other. This is a “flimsy pretext”… We start questioning the unfairness of life and how to fight to find an answer that can satiate that unquenchable thirst of fairness. We keep questioning the unfairness of life and not appreciating so much of fairness that is all around us. There are people who are suffering from interminable disease of cancer who are on their deathbed to children who physically and mentally challenged , and they have limited life and their life is being snatched before they could see the world and enjoy their share of life in this beautiful world. We are fortunate. Where is the question of unfairness with us?
Aspect (4): Love & Relationships
I have miserably failed in my love life. Nobody loves me. Whom I have loved has never reciprocated that love. Is that I’m not good-looking? Is that I’m not well off financially? Is that I’m not good at conversation? Is that I don’t belong to a good family? The greatest bombardment on the topic of unfairness of life largely happens on the “love life”. Love in life has such an emotionally powerful connection and it cements the foundation of life and its very existence.
The love for caring.
The love for belonging.
The love for sharing.
The love for building a beautiful relationship.
Love is eternal.
Love is the elixir of life.
When we are destitute of love and when we lead a life without love it is almost subjugating ourselves to abject deprivation. It is a form of self-immolation loaded with frustration, annoyance and vengeance. Once again we treat love unfairly and then expect life to treat us fairly. We can love others and we can love as many number of people we want to and there is no limitation and that is very much within us. But expecting all others to reciprocate the same love and we want to hold back and demand the return of love we have given is where the genesis of unfairness germinates. And we expect the fairness in our love life. The color of love changes its pattern with girlfriend or boyfriend to husband or wife to mother or father to friends or colleagues to relatives to acquaintances. We have seen from a different prism. If we want to hold onto the same pattern and apply across the different forms of human relationship and expect the same reciprocation we are grossly flawed in our assumption and approach. We cannot then question the fairness of love and life with love.
Aspect (5): Wealth & Assets
I don’t have any money. Whatever I earn it get spent and I have been trying hard to save but never been able to put that extra earning into my treasury. Somehow finance has always eluded me. I have been trying to keep an anchor on my expenditure and I have done so prudently but still the money what comes every month has some new outlets in the form of new exigencies and it goes out of my hand. Look at him he has been able to save and multiply his wealth though at one point of time he was earning much lesser than me. He is blessed. I am the unfortunate one. It’s been happening for years and there is no change in the pattern and I have no idea how to change that “fixated pattern”. I have tried. I have miserably failed in that sustained effort towards obtaining fairness in my life.
There is a justification.
I am unlucky.
I am destined to be that way without the coffer of adequate wealth.
How long should I be doing a donkey’s work and leading a starved life?
I should take risk. I should change my work profile and things will change. I shall be then showered with better share of wealth. In all fairness I have done that and the results remain the same. Life is truly unfair and wealth distribution is widely inequitable. Whom do I take my case, nobody understands my problem and everyone has given me advice, the easiest thing to do and I have tried my hand in adhering to those dictum but nothing has changed. I feel helpless and there is this last straw of hope slipping out of my desperate hand.
Aspect (6): Marriage & Families
We all compare our marriage life with others and we all compare our family with other’s family. It is natural and nothing wrong in that comparison. No two families can be same though they may seem similar. Families come together to form a close-knit community and there are so many such smaller groups with similar interest and common purpose to mingle and live together. The differences are many and are on many fronts, if we open each front we will keep going into another front and comparison of differences will continue. The comparison on looks of husband and wife, the comparison on children and their smartness, the house whether owned or rented, the car and how costly is the sedan, then it gets extended into how successful has been the marriage to how successful are the members of family.
Once the comparison takes a detour it is difficult to keep it under control and there starts the blurring of boundary between what is fair and what is unfair.
The very aspect of comparison is rooted in unfairness, knowing well that nothing is equal and even most of the things similar but cannot be compared on unequal parameters. Every family is unique and every family has it means to find its ways to lead a life of their choice and their comfort.
And life is “relatively beautiful” and life’s beauty is in its diversity, and the moment we compare we make life insignificant in its universal existence.
Aspect (7): Friends & Circles
Life is about connection. Life is about living in a community. Life is beyond our own life and beyond our own family. The society we live. The friends and the close circles of family friends and friends of our school, college to place of work, all add up to such a lovely and lively bondage of love and laugh, and to cherish the joy and fun of life. Life without friends and friend circles is so much like a tree without beautiful flowers or bearing fruits. We enjoy the shades from the sun and we enjoy the presence of the plant with those bouts of fresh air fluttering the branches and leaves. But we want those beautiful flowers and lovely fruits to occupy those branches and between those clutches of dangling leaves. That diverse color of flowers and divine taste of fruits makes nature so stunning and makes it so much bountiful with those flowers and fruits.
Life is very much like the tree, where we want our friends and friend circles to be like our flowers and fruits of our life.
They bring a new flavour and a zest into our life.
They bring that lovely feeling of belongingness.
All of us not fortunate and many of us keep trying to be part of a good friendship and friend circles, and it doesn’t happen the way we see it happens with others and we get dishearten and we feel bad about the way life has not been fair with us and question the unfairness of life treatment. We look at life unfairly when we are not part of a circle of friend that makes us feel good and makes our presence felt. We want friends to talk to us, care about us, ask us and be with us in our good and bad times. The moment it goes “haywire in its disposition” , we get disillusioned and we start panicking and we go berserk in our analysis and interpretation of life and its fairness in treatment.
We look at various rules in life and then question the fairness of life. Life is not absolute and life is relative. If only absolute then there is no comparison. Life is not tangible only but there are so much intangibles of life. If only tangible then all can be measured. Life is not just success and failures; it is much more than materialistic success and mechanical failures. If only success then there is no training on how to handle failures.
Our idea of fairness in life is a wishful thinking.
Just like success and failure, fairness and unfairness in life has to co-exist.
We build our life with so much of “Assumptions and Perceptions” we ignore the reality and real propositions. These aspects changes with the role we play and play at different stage in our life. In fact there is no rule that is made forever and rules are meant to be broken and rules evolves with us and rules are only guiding us for building a society for better living. It is not important what we think, though thinking is vital to our existence but what ultimately matters what we do and how we do, The Action; does it make a difference and does it count in other’s life…we may keep continuing to fight on the divide between the fairness and unfairness of life but life has its own ways to makes us learn and teach us the lessons what has otherwise become platitudes…Life’s Lesson.
World doesn’t care what we are thinking inside what the world shares is what we do outside. Before concluding the debate on the fairness or unfairness of how life has treated us it is time to question what have we done for the world.
Have we broken the barriers and made a difference in lives of so many others who are destitute and deprived.
“They are underprivileged.”
“They are downtrodden.”
“They are impoverished.”
We are so much fortunate of leading a life where we have the space to occupy our mind and we have the place to dwell in peace, and we have opportunities that we can explore and expand our horizon for a more meaningful engagement in life…it is genetically flawed idea of how we look at fairness and consciously overlook the outlook we should all be carrying on the unfairness of life.
I end the proposition by asking the pertinent question of what is fair in life and what is unfair in life to us, and who is the supreme soul among us to judge the real degree of fairness or depth of unfairness in our life…essentially it is about facing the realities of life, striving to solving our daily problems, discovering new opportunities, creating new possibilities and constantly trying to realize our dreams.
There is only one life…The Truth that’s the defining moment.
We can do what we want to, from going crazy and going wild, it is allowed but not at others cost and we learn from our mistakes, and from others mistakes but repeating mistakes and learning from it is not an act of wisdom and we follow some rule and we break some other rules and there lies the beauty of life, by doing so we create newer possibilities, new set of rules and venturing into uncharted territories of life’s topography…risking the life in doing what has not been done, and loving & living a life of our choice from being an unplanned explorer to a untapped wanderer.
Life has always been fair to us; it is just that we are still learning the art of treating life fairly. The role of a philosopher… Click To Tweet